A line from the translated poem, A Great Wagon by the 13^th-century Muslim mystic and poet Rumi reads,

‘Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.’

This line has been a metaphorical compass for me in my personal and professional restorative journey. The field it speaks of is void of judgment and labels, blame and shame. Instead calling forward our openness and interconnectedness, our curiosity and humanity. It is a reminder that we don’t need to meet conflict and harm with binary notions of right and wrong and therefore arbitrary discipline procedures. Instead, we can reconnect the people inside the conflict, bring awareness to their humanity and harness their strengths to reflect and restore.

By leveraging our unique character strengths—such as kindness, fairness, creativity, and leadership—we can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth and restoration. Taking a strength-based approach to problem solving doesn’t gloss over or ignore the conflict, it empowers and motivates individuals to solve their own problems.

Research suggests character strengths contribute to school success and positive classroom behaviours. Drawing from the VIA Character Strengths framework, this article explores how both students and educators can use their strengths during restorative chats to problem solve and build a more resilient, compassionate school community. 

What Is a Strengths-Based Approach?

A strengths-based approach centres on identifying and amplifying the positive traits and skills each person brings to the table. Rather than dwelling on deficits or mistakes, it encourages individuals to tap into their best qualities when faced with challenges. In a restorative problem-solving context, this means recognising the inherent potential within every participant to contribute constructively to conflict resolution and relationships.

The VIA Character Strengths framework, developed by positive psychology researchers, identifies 24-character strengths such as kindness, curiosity, social intelligence, and leadership. These strengths serve as tools that individuals can draw upon during difficult conversations, making restorative practices not just about repairing harm, but also about building stronger relationships.

Leveraging Character Strengths for Constructive Restorative Dialogue

1. Empowering Students

When conflicts occur between students, encouraging them to reflect on and use their character strengths can create a more empathetic and open dialogue. For example:

• Kindness & Forgiveness: Imagine a situation where two students have been involved in a dispute over shared classroom resources. A student who embraces kindness might initiate a conversation by acknowledging the other’s feelings and expressing a willingness to forgive past misunderstandings. This not only de-escalates the tension but also paves the way for mutual healing.
• Honesty & Humility: In a restorative chat, a student who feels hurt can use honesty to clearly express their feelings while also exercising humility by admitting any part they may have played in the conflict. This balanced approach fosters trust and sets the stage for a constructive dialogue.
• Social Intelligence & Empathy: Recognizing non-verbal cues and understanding another’s perspective can be transformative. When a student notices signs of distress or frustration in a peer, using social intelligence to adjust their approach can help the other feel seen and validated.

2. Guiding Teachers and Educators

Teachers are often at the frontline of conflict resolution in schools. When equipped with a strengths-based mindset, they can model constructive behaviour and create an environment conducive to restorative practices. Consider these examples:

• Fairness & Leadership: If a teacher faces a conflict with a student regarding classroom behaviour, they might draw on fairness to ensure all voices are heard, while using leadership to steer the conversation toward a resolution that benefits everyone involved.
• Self-Regulation & Perspective: A teacher who maintains calm in the heat of a conflict demonstrates self-regulation. By taking a step back and considering the broader context (perspective), they can help both parties see the situation from multiple angles, paving the way for a more balanced resolution.
• Gratitude & Hope: Expressing gratitude for the opportunity to learn from the situation and maintaining hope for positive change can transform a challenging conversation into an empowering experience for both teacher and student.

3. The Role of the Facilitator in Restorative Conversations

Often, a neutral facilitator is brought into a restorative chat to guide the process. Facilitators—whether they are school counsellors, trained educators, or peer mediators—can draw on specific strengths to create a safe, respectful, and productive dialogue:

• Leadership & Social Intelligence: A facilitator with strong leadership can establish clear guidelines for respectful conversation, while social intelligence helps them read the room and adapt to the needs of the participants.
• Curiosity & Creativity: By asking open-ended questions and encouraging creative problem solving, a facilitator can help both students and teachers explore new perspectives and innovative solutions that might not have been considered otherwise.
• Forgiveness & Humility: A facilitator who models forgiveness and humility invites participants to approach the conversation with an open heart, reducing defensiveness and promoting mutual understanding.

4. Sensitive Strengths and Potential for Conflict

The strengths valued most by individuals are largely seen as assets, although it is important to note that they are also sensitive strengths – or big red buttons ripe for pushing. When this happens, a strength can be a source of tension or conflict.

• Leadership: Leadership is a strength that drives initiative and direction. Yet, a student with a strong leadership orientation might dominate during group work, potentially shutting down others’ contributions inadvertently causing resentment among group members.
• Fairness: A student who holds fairness in high regard might react strongly when they perceive someone is not adhering to the rules. If this strength is not balanced with kindness or humility, it could inadvertently escalate a situation rather than help resolve it.
• Bravery: A student may possess a high level of bravery, which can make them more outspoken in expressing their needs during a conflict or restorative dialogue. However, if they fail to consider the perspectives of others, their strong stance may come off as intimidating or dismissive.

Read this article for more on optimal use of strengths.

Real-World School-Based Examples

Scenario 1: Student-to-Student Conflict

Imagine two students, Alex and Jamie, who have had a falling out during a group project. During the restorative chat, Alex, who values honesty and kindness, shares how Jamie’s actions made them feel overlooked. Jamie, upon reflection, realizes that their competitive spirit (a strength like perseverance) sometimes overshadows the need for collaboration. With guidance from the teacher who uses social intelligence and creativity, the two students brainstorm strategies to balance competitiveness with teamwork. They agree to allocate roles that play to each of their strengths and commit to checking in with the teacher in a weeks’ time. This conversation not only resolves the immediate conflict but also equips them with tools for future collaboration.

Scenario 2: Teacher-Student Conflict

In another instance, a high school student, Mia, is known for her strong sense of honesty. During a classroom discussion, she openly critiques a teacher’s approach to lesson planning, stating that the methods are too rigid. Her straightforward feedback, while rooted in a desire for improvement, comes off as overly blunt and unintentionally hurts the teacher’s feelings. Recognizing the potential for ongoing conflict, the teacher initiates a restorative conversation. Together, they explore how Mia’s honesty can be a powerful tool when balanced with compassion. Through the dialogue, Mia learns that by tempering her candid insights with kindness and consideration for the teacher’s perspective, her feedback becomes more constructive. The teacher, in turn, acknowledges Mia’s integrity and uses her feedback to make gradual adjustments to classroom strategies. Both parties grow from the experience, illustrating how sensitive strengths like honesty can lead to conflict if not used mindfully, yet also offer tremendous potential for positive change when balanced with complementary strengths.

Practical Tips for Educators Implementing a Strengths-Based Approach

1. Self-Reflection and Strengths Awareness: Encourage both students and teachers to reflect on their own strengths. Tools like the VIA Character Strengths survey can help individuals identify their top traits.
2. Strengths-Focused Language: During restorative chats, use language that highlights strengths. For example, instead of saying, “You’re being unreasonable,” try, “I appreciate your honesty, and I’d like to hear more about what you’re feeling.”
3. Celebrate Small Wins: Recognise and celebrate when individuals use their strengths to navigate conflicts successfully. This reinforces positive behaviour and builds a culture of empowerment.
4. Ongoing Training: Provide professional development opportunities for teachers and facilitators to learn about restorative practices and the application of VIA Character Strengths in conflict resolution.

Conclusion

In embracing a restorative, strengths-based approach, we step away from rigid judgments and invite a space where all our unique qualities can flourish just as Rumi envisioned. In that expansive field, students and teachers set aside blame to engage their strengths—be it fairness, honesty, or compassion—in a collaborative journey toward healing and growth. By meeting each other in this open space, we not only resolve conflicts but also cultivate a community grounded in empathy, mutual respect, and continuous learning.

So, the next time a conflict arises in your school, consider asking, “What strengths can we bring to this conversation?” You might be surprised by the restorative power of a positive, strengths-focused dialogue.

If you would like to discuss how we can support you in using this approach, please reach out here.